Sleeping on Campus

My career options as a professional napper widened tremendously when I began to attend Utah State University. The school had wisely placed couches, lovesacs, and benches all across campus. These provisions of heavenly cushiness make it incredibly easy to catch up on some sleep on the go, as well as make your favorite study area cozy. Here are a few I have encountered in my travels, and how one can best utilize them.

Highest user rated nap spot:

Building: TSC 3rd floor, diversity center.

Object of repose: SENA

-This Specially Engineered Napping Apparatus (SENA), erroneously known as the "lovesac", is the top in campus napping. It is strategically placed in a room with large, south facing windows, bathing the napper in sunlight to maximize comfort. The SENA itself is enormous, approximately 6 feet in diameter, and downy enough to make Chuck Norris drool like a dog salivating over a piece of juicy, succulent bacon. The effect is that the user is engulfed by a full-body swath of feathery cloud. The only negative aspect of SENA is that it is virtually impossible to study in it and expect to remain cognizant. One might make a comparison to scrubbing oneself with a ribeye steak and running through the lion cage at the zoo, all the while expecting to make it alive to the other side. Overall productivity decreased by an average of 96% while using SENA. If your intended use for it is something other than taking a glorious nap, you may want to invest time in another locale.

UPDATE:
They removed the lovesac! You have no idea how distraught I am about this. I suppose you can use the couches they still have in there, but it's just not the same...


Pleasant weather snoozing spot:

Building: N/A
Object of repose: Bench

-While it isn't the most comfortable place one might catch those elusive Zs, it is definitely one of the most pleasant when the temperature reaches that heavenly level of ambience. Only recommended if exhaustion is moderate or above. The most common strategy used is placing the backpack behind the head as one would a pillow, and staring up into the sky until sleep ensnares you. If you are planning on taking an extended siesta, you may wish to ensure that you will be constantly kept in sunlight for the duration of your nap.


Notable snoring center:

Building: Library
Object of repose: Study Cubicle

-This, unlike the SENA, is designed to maximize productivity. However, at any given point in time on a university campus, there will always be mentally and physically fatigued students that simply don't have the time to turn aside to the nearest couch and conk out. Therefore, the study cubicle can be used as a last resort if the student simply must have a short respite from the day. Nappers are urged to put some kind of large book on the flat surface in front of them and place their face on top of it. This usually requires a large amount of exhaustion, and should only be used as a last resort.


So, if you find yourself on USU campus, and are in need of a nap, just plunk yourself down on a couch and doze for a spell. Desperate measures can be taken if you are a self-righteous, haughty, swollen-brained napper who thinks they cannot turn aside from their structured path, but you should never be without a place to crash on campus.