Being Married Sucks

I got married almost three months ago. It was a huge day filled with lots of good friends, excellent food, and a really pretty girl that tagged along with me after it was over. I've known her for quite a long time, so part of it felt completely normal. I was in a car with my best friend after a long day, which wasn't out of the ordinary at all.

But then she didn't go away. She ate all of my food, stole the computer when I wanted to use it, and woke me up at 2 AM with complaints about headaches and an inability to fall asleep because my dang breathing was too loud. My breathing.

My free time became fair game. My evenings could plunge into some horrid social event at any moment. Socializing with people when it's unexpected is, for an introvert, a fate worse that death.

The house cluttered faster. The car got dirty really fast. Money disappeared from my bank account. This person then had the gall to tell me she needed me, even after I had jumped through tons of hoops for her.

Being married sucks.

In those moments, I can be angry and bitter about my needs and wants being subverted, or I can decide to throw myself under the bus and deal with it. Miraculously, my bitterness went away when I tried that, and I actually love my wife more when I defer myself.

Experimenting with this method of dealing with this person I married brought me to realize something: my life can be just as joyless as it was before I was married.

I'm not living on a higher plane of happiness or joy with her. I'm really not. My mood is entirely dependent on how willing I am to

1. Rely on God for my happiness and peace.

2. Sacrifice myself for my those around me.

If I rewind approximately three months, those two principles were just as true.

This has enormous implications.

The biggest one that comes to mind, for me, is that we glorify marriage far too much within our society, and the Christian church in general. I have plenty of single friends that now treat me like some kind of mystical creature that rarely appears.

That really makes me sad. Does God more richly love and bless people who are married? Of course not. Don't married people go and see Him at the end of this life just like everyone else, when all of our differences and sins and joys and loves and hates are all completely irrelevant? Is there anything in God's Word that claims that He is more or less pleased with people who decide to be married? As far as I know, there isn't. It'd be weird to read 1 Timothy 2:4 as "(God) wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth, but especially married people!"

Love people. Love God. If you become married, look for ways to glorify God in your marriage. If you are single, look for ways to glorify God in your singleness. I can guarantee that you will experience the same amount of joy and purpose in your life.

The night I stayed up with her until 2 AM could have been awful. But it wasn't. I love her a lot, and I felt so sad and protective of her that I was happy in the midst of extreme exhaustion while dealing with some mild insomnia. Yes, she takes my money, and my stuff, and my time, but I give it willingly. As soon as I try to hold on to what I want above everything else, my joy goes out the window.

She steals the computer when I want to use it and I smile and ask her if she'd like some tea while she does homework.

When my evenings are sabotaged, I can be miserable in a corner while people chat all around me like chittering squirrels, or I can use the opportunity to meet more people that my wife knows to enrich my life and, by extension, get to know what kind of person she is a little bit better.

The house gets cluttered faster, but let's be honest. I'm more at fault on that account than she is. She's been nothing but gracious to me, so I have no ground to stand on if I'm rude about that. I've been forgiven much by my wife! It's one of the reasons why I love much. (Luke 7:47)



*NOTE:
I just want to make it as clear as possible that I am still falling in love with my wife. Overall, we're doing extremely well, and I'm not just saying that! She's wonderful, and there has been so much patience and love between us. I just wanted to make the point that we should be careful how much we glorify marriage. It's a wonderful institution, and I seriously have no complaints, but the implication that single people are somehow living less joyful lives is so incredibly wrong, whether it's direct or implicit.

The title was a shameless attention grabber. Marriage is awesome! But so is being a child of God, married or no.