Oh, Godfrey!

I work at a feed mill in Northern Utah.

It's right below the state border, which means that I work with lots of people from Idaho.

Lots of these fine fellers have grown up working on a farm or a dairy. This combined with a childhood in North Cache Valley has made this certain brand of hick especially quirky.

They say some funny stuff from time to time. I thought most of it was hilarious, and tried to keep my laughter contained. Some of my bathroom breaks have really been laughing breaks.

I've been collecting things that people have said all summer long that I found amusing. Like using "Godfrey" as an exclamation. I will explain the context when necessary.





**WARNING: CONTAINS LANGUAGE. It has been censored, but given the nature of the men at my job, there is definitely some profanity. I thought it made it more funny at times, so judge me if you will, but there it is.


Enjoy.




"I'm slower at this than a one-legged man in an a**-kickin' contest."

-A coworker, in reference to his speed at bagging feed.


"Use your brain for something besides keeping your ears from flapping together."

-In reference to the idiot sheep tourists at Lava Hot Springs.


"I hope that sum-b**ch blows up on him."

-In reference to another employee shooting out of the door in a 32 year old forklift.


"You buncha yahoos gonna get off yer biscuits and start workin'?"

-'Yahoo' is pronounced 'Yayhoo.'


"You lived in Salt Lake? You must be one of them rich kids, huh?"

-A supervisor, to me, upon learning that I had lived in Riverton.


"So, you married?"

"What's your wife's name?"

-These are interchangeable and are used shortly after meeting you by any given employee or trucker on the mill. Usually the second question asked, following directly after "What's yer name?"


"You weren't at the rodeo?"

-Anytime there is a rodeo anywhere near the mill.


"It's a wonder he's still alive, as dumb as he is."

-Yep.


"This stuff reeks."

"Yep, smells like pig s**t."

-I said the first one, the guy I was working with said the second.


Me: "Who's this for?"

Coworker: "BIG D**K."

Me: "Who?"

CW: "BIG D**K HARRIS. He's about four hundred pounds and he walks like a penguin."

-When reading this, imagine a five foot four man that weighs about two hundred pounds in his seventies with huge bug eyes growling through tobacco-stained teeth. It was hilarious.


"Ya wanna be in the airborne infantry? I don't think they've got a parachute big enough to keep your fat a** from splattin' into the ground"

-One employee, to another, when he said he wanted to join the army.




Hope you had a good laugh. I sometimes wish it was possible to sneak in a spy camera thingy, but then I remember that I'm working a crappy summer job.
Thanks for reading!